Of Journeys and Destinations

I stand filled with restless thoughts
Like the wandering wind…
Looking for a place to stop…

Watching the rain from a speeding car…
Hurtling towards inevitability
With a half burnt cigarette in my lips…

Stripped of all illusions of control…
I stand quiet…Staring blankly outside the window…
The coffee…untouched…cold…dark…

As, I wonder about purpose…
I feel a familiar hand in mine…
I close my eyes…maybe, it’s worth it all

What have I got to say?

What have I got to say...
Is it simple…or perhaps, convoluted
Is it worth a thousand words…
Or, a silent smile…

Will someone hear it…
Amongst the din of people dying
Amongst agony…hunger…lust…life…
Should I be heard?

What is it that I am saying…
That hasn’t been felt before…
Insignificant words…for an indifferent multitude
Who cares…

Yet, I fill these pages
Waiting…to find that word…
That stirs the water under the bridge…
And, reminds you of rain on a dark night

Like a blind traveller…
In the boulevard of words
I feel each word with awe…and pen down a few…
Someday…someone…will find a meaning…I just keep writing

Of Change and Constancy

In the faraway horizon
Where, the sky melts into the ocean
Somber...Silent…
I stand with you…ensconced in solitude

Tired of the constant battering…
Of joys and sorrows
Beyond boundaries and bonds…
Where, it’s just You and I…and us…

In one cataclysmic dance…
I have left the world behind
In the manic, suicidal desire
To love…to be loved

As, the words come to the lips
Yet, are spoken by the eyes… I stand with you in my arms…
As seasons change…lives change…
But, the sky keeps melting into the ocean

Anguish

I watch the sea of life…
Break on the shores of eternity
And, I watch the endless parade…
Of lives without meaning

And, I cry…
Waiting, for the tears to be heard
While, I search for words
In the sunshine-less streets of the world

Somewhere, there is a saga
Of memories…and quicksand
Of forgotten words in dusty bylanes
Of stories untold

I bid adieu…I lose myself
To join the crowd, yet not be a part
To be torn apart…just to be whole again
Time it is…for being heard

I sing…the unsung songs
Carrying the voice of unheard throngs
I fly and fall…I flow and ebb…
With the hungry tides eating my soul

The Falling of a Star

The sleepless river beckons…
As, I watch from the sidelines
Her dark liaisons…
And, the scars of countless lovers

She stands bereft of the spotlight…
In the shadows…after an eternity
And, even in my arms…
She yearns to e free…

The lonely street lamps stand witness
To whispered secrets…behind the veil
To forgotten tears…
And, unknown streets

Adorned with the weight of time…
Practiced smile hiding the usual pain
Greeting the thousands waiting for her…she turns to me…
She has never been more lonely

To A Journey

Trembling lips…
She stands bereft of social trappings…
Beyond pretensions…and forced smiles…
She stands numb…

In the end, it counts to nothing…
A whole lot of mistakes and a few lies
Forgotten wildflowers…and, left behind ties
All, she has is life…

Heavy drops on silent nights…
Quietly encroach upon her senses…
Taking her in…
Like the man who rode the storm

She waits…
A stained coffee cup in her hand
Civilization roaring beneath her…
While, she is on pause in her balcony

She watches the evening birds
And, the rising sun slowly setting…
Caught in the labyrinth of life
She closes her eyes…

Maybe, its time…
To end this sojourn…
To hit the unknown road again
Bid adieu to an un-understood city…loved and hated…

La Guitara

It lies forgotten…
Covered with dust…in a lonely corner
With music lost in its depth…
My guitar…

I stumbled on it…
As, you tend to find un-looked for things…
Wondering, how I had left it behind…
How with time, I had ceased to care

Unstrung…covered with sands of time
It flooded me…
Like an old memory
Bittersweet…happily painful…

I slowly looked out…
Far away in the distance
A blank stare…a desperate search…
A search for my guitar…and a forgotten me…

Rain Dance

I look at you, this stormy evening…
While you are lost in your dance
I watch as your rhythm beckon the drunk winds…
And, you slowly draw me in…

The dangerously beautiful beats…
Ring out solitary and true…
And, I let the dance of madness carry on around me…
While I seek peace in you

You brought my life to a stop…
In a moment’s notice
Almost, mocking my presumptions of control…
Yet somehow, making me feel free…

I watch…
The rolling clouds in the distance
Silent as a distant memory…
Buried yet remembered…in my solitary sojourns

Tender…bittersweet…thy impressions
My failures…the darkness…
That I could not take away from your eyes…
Let them be drowned…as you dance and I lose myself…

Cloudy In May

It is the quiet of the clouded sky…
The silent rustle of awakened leaves…
And, the trumpet sound of eternal greydom…
In its awesome glory…melancholy beauty

The urgent patter on plastic keys
Fall silent…
One by one, everyone looks out…
The magnificent is getting ready to dance…

All present feels the music…
Slow…Steady…Rising to a zenith
Wild…Passionate…Beautiful…
As, the light streaks across the sky

For a moment, all is quiet…
As, if the walls have dissolved
And, we want to be washed by its freshness
Then, we turn back…the patter starts again…civilization calls…

Wait

The rains are back…
She feels before the first drops hit her face…
She closes her eyes…
His smile is all she can see

Distance…and situations…
She waits in silence…
Looking at the ring on a lonely finger
While, salty tears flow with the rain

The unbearable mornings…
As, she remembers every moment
The desperate desire…
To be lost in time with him

Slow music and intimate hugs…
The feel of his lips…
His arms around her…
She remembers…she yearns for…

The agony…the anguish
She would walk miles…
Just for a moment with him
But, he is too far away…and for now it’s an unending wait…

Lost Pages

Suddenly I feel lost…
Having lost those pages full of words…
The stolen emotions…
The forgotten smiles and tears…lost…

That first gift…
To a companion
Pages full of cobwebs and light…
Pain…Relief…a new high…lost

Moments blank out before me…
As, those lost words scream out
The rain…the deafening silence…
The lost music…my lost thoughts…

I forget who I loved…
Or what you demanded of me…
Those quiet afternoon and haunting nights…
I had lost you once…I lost you again…

Cobwebs

The cobwebs revealed themselves…
In the farthest and darkest of corners
As, the accumulated weight was removed
And, the shelves lay barren…bereft of its wealth…

The sun caught the intricate patterns…
Dazzling in its devilish trickery…
The window watched.
Quietly

I walked up to the edge…
And, watched the grey clouds roll in
Its time…
It’s about to rain again

But, I am drawn back
By those empty shelves
Dust…Hollow…
And, cobwebs…

At, the end of it all
Alone behind the scenes, I wonder…
How many tears have I buried?
For every smile to be possible

And, I seek her hand…
To push the cobwebs away…
Push them away…into light
From the farthest and darkest corners of my mind

I had gotten rid of all I had…
But, not what was stored inside
Maybe, that brought the rain…
To help wash the debris away

The words flow like an aimless stream…
A steady patter on the windowpane
The crazy breeze threatening to ruin everything…
Dust. Cobwebs. Sleep…

Rain Messenger's Diary 17...Letter to Annie 6

Dear Annie,

It really has been a long time since I last wrote to you. Somehow, I had not lifted the pen for a long time, words seemed to have frozen and I was going on in a trance.

I know you must be a bit worried by now or wondering whether I am in the clutches of one of my bouts of depression. Let me allay your fears – it is not so. Not all trances are necessarily bad and this definitely aint.

Annie, we have had several conversations over the years, when I have felt your responses in the gentle night breeze or the embrace of the early morning sun. you have inspired me to hold on to perhaps something abstract or even just a notion that better things will come. The eternal sceptic, doubted you. Today, perhaps the wait is over.

Annie, I am drenched again. After all these years of blinding agony, it’s raining again. The fragrance of the night stars and steady assurance of the river seems to be intoxicating me. Each shared laugh or innocent moment of love seems to be a gift.

Sometimes, life makes us feel glad that it is uncertain. Such moments are rare, but this is one such moment when am at peace with the world. I know you must be giving one of your indulgent smiles now, thinking these are the words of a man who is high on life…well I am.

Is that a bad thing???

With all my best wishes,
Rain Messenger

Song of the Road

Perhaps, there is a story…
Behind every tear
A long-forgotten insecurity…
Behind every nightmare

Maybe, peace never had a chance
In the haze of our lust
Poetry butchered…
In our desire to be there first

Did we hear them?
Words that came from beyond the wall…
From men who flirted with insanity
For, we drove them there…

It is perhaps a madman’s rambling…
Irresponsible and unimportant
While, we look towards bloody sunrises…
But, never cease to hide from ourselves…

Where are we all running away…
What are we running towards…
I pause to seek you…
But, the crowd carries me forward…

I search…
I don’t know what…
I cry…
But, I am not sad

Maybe, there’s a story
Somewhere, deep inside…
But, let it be untold…
For, now it’s a little goodbye

Suicide

I lie with my head against the cold rail
Awaiting a reassuring and thundering vibration
And, I look up at the sky…blue…vast…
And, I close my eyes…black…immense…

I lie with my world at peace…
A point beyond grief…
Slow…Detached…Calm…
Green…Blue…Black…

I know not what time is it…
A lost space between night and dawn…
Momentary thoughts drift through my mind…
But, your face remains…

Only, those eyes bother me…
Deep…Knowing…Pained…
My guilt chokes me…tears constricting my throat…
But, here I am and it matters not…anymore…

I hear the wheels…
Somehow…it seems to make no difference…
I open my eyes…kissing the blue…to kiss you
Pain…Blank…Silence…

Sudden Shower

The sudden gust of wind…
Slowly took over my senses
While, the unexpected shower
Drenched my parched soul…

I closed my eyes to see your face
As, the rain beat a steady rhythm
I remembered your promise…
Of drowning in our rain

Someday…
Perhaps, I will draw blood from your lips
Fill life in your veins
Tear you apart, just to make you whole again…

Or, perhaps…
I will take you in my arms…
And, hide you from the world
Waiting, for rain to blanket our kisses…

As, the heavy drops blur my vision
I seek warmth from a distant screen…
Find love in accidents, coffee cups and rain…
Maybe someday, it will all make sense…someday…

Save the Last Dance

The dawn slowly arrives…
Slowly with bhairav
Majestic in its dignity
Slow yet graceful in poise…

The early riser greets the Ganges…
While the strains of ajaan…
Waft in from the distance…
While most of the rest sleep on…

I lie awake looking for words…
Searching the soul of the morning breeze…
Looking for someone to share this with…
Nervous…Afraid…Happy…Hopeful…

The wizard plays his tabla…
And, the guitar joins him…
While the flute gently caresses
And, the piano takes it all in…

And, I stand silent…
Watching you dance…
Beautiful…far away…but it matters not…
For I know, you will save the last dance for me.

Other side of Hope

I am back to you my sunset…
At, another beginning’s end
The coffee is cold again…
The unlit cigarette lies forgotten on my lips

The sand has finally slipped through my fingers…
Once again it’s empty inside
Yet, the long night looks on…
And, winter hides it all with her misty blanket

It’s time once again…
Time for rain…
It’s time to continue my wait…
For you, my eternal stranger

The dawn will be bereft of your presence
And, I will seek your hand…
While, I stare at the busy road
From my lonely verandah

As, the evening bird rests its wings
And, the weary traveler takes the last train home…
Here I am…back to you…
My stranger…my rain…my sunset…cold coffee and cigarettes

So that you remember me

My words have lost themselves…
In the vagaries of my existence

I write these lines for you, my love
For you, who I haven’t yet met

And, I am quiet…
As, evening falls heavily

The winter fog embraces me.
And, I want to find the unknown address again…

I let the violin’s melancholy note wash over me
As, I walk…and keep walking…

Even, the sands of time have shifted…
And, my footprints are to be found no more…

I try to make my way…
Where there is no path to be followed…

I seek what is long gone…
Hoping for answers to forgotten questions…

And, tonight I have lost you…
For, my words have lost themselves.

But, I write these lines for you…
So that you remember me

The Last Journey

She lay sleeping
Calm in her final destination…
The expression frozen in time
The life lost in memories…

And, as all arrived…
Tears…Pain…Sorrow…
I hear the lamentations of a lonely swan…
And, a life that could have been...

And, as she embarks on her final journey
On a cheap bed carried by four willing shoulders…
And as, the repetitive chant stabs the chilly silence
It’s already rituals and a forgotten life…

The dark winter night…
Slowly envelops the weary Ganges
Flowing through the ages…
Eternity etched in hungry tides…

And, she lends us a bit of her cold self…
To cool the smouldering ashes
To give a life spent in compromises, burnt in rituals...
An eternity of peace…