Friday, September 26, 2008

Fear


I shiver…
Thankfully, time marches
The unknown fear of the known sensation
Triggering the pain…from the vault
Of the unstrung violin
I am tired…
Of the eternal desire to sleep
Scared of the new mirror…
Showing the old image
Held in the shackles of freedom,
I want to escape
The embrace of a new lease of life…

I shiver…
Thankfully, it is raining
No one notices…but I know inside…
And I cringe
No one realizes…yet I know
I am scared…
Of the old river on its course
Afraid of the cruel dance of death
She might indulge in…
Yet the rainbow shines
And makes me want to forget the devastating flood
Making me cruel…
With a desire to live

The uncertainty of the individuality
Of my manic depression
And the desperate confusion
Of unexplored and misconstrued love
Halted by a brief journey
I shiver…
Should I live…again?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Pyre Of Senses


Essence of the invigorating blue sky
Assaults my senses…
I feel them burning inside
Unable to tear away…
From the sun reflected in the innocent clouds
Like a deer caught in a spotlight

The unsatisfied desire for hunger…
The unfulfilled hope…I will feel…
I feel my senses burning inside
Yet, I have found an oasis of peace
But, I can’t drink…
I have been tied to the edge of my angel

The canopy of green beauty
Insults me, they torture me
Filling me with visions of the sky
After clipping my wings…
A cruel glimpse of infinity
Just to remind, that I am cursed

Dreams they came and went
I am left standing
Bloody torn shreds of flesh
Faith has left me cold…my heart in the grave
I stand alone…I can feel
The smell of burning senses

Monday, August 25, 2008

Brittle Sky


The heart grew heavy today.
Overcast skies. Drizzling rains.
Bittersweet nostalgia in the lackadaisical life-journey
A brief halt before pushing open the half shut door
Stepping in to find the fan turned off…yet turning in its inertia
You are inside…
I wondered why was I back…inertia?

The brittle sky breaks open…again
Why can’t I cry as easily?
But, no I don’t want to cry…
Before waking up from half-awake dreams
Before accepting that I have lost…yet again
The white freedom on the greydom is no longer a solace

The cry of anguish has lost itself in my throat
And I stare…The brittle sky breaks…again
I want to find you
In the prelude of tomorrow’s song
I want to ask you
Why you sentenced me to this weary fight…
How can I fight a shadow?

The rain grew heavier…outside…
I am still standing on the threshold of your house
Trying to push open…what was once your door
The door is gone…
But the void is more solid than any wall…
You are gone…and I’m back…inertia
The brittle sky keeps breaking.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Coward


In the darkening skies
Of a cloudy Sunday afternoon
I lost you…to the clarity of thought
I sacrificed you…to the demands of reason

There was nothing I could do…
Yet, I do not plead innocence
For I saw your eyes
Your eyes which had faith…I would do justice…

I left you to the hounds of night
I abandoned you to the gutters
Yet you did not lose faith…
Only a veil of sadness passed your eyes

There was nothing I could do…damn you…
There was nothing anyone could do…
You had challenged society…
I couldn’t stand by you

You refused the abortion in the discreet nursing home
You refused reason…
I had to stand by it…
Yet you had faith…I would do justice…

Why don’t you blame me?
Scream…Curse and hurl accusations
I know I was guilty…but you chose to hide it
Thirty years later I realise why…silently you had branded me…a coward.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Looking For An Answer


Let there be an answer…
To the broken hearts
And the broken dreams
To the shattered lives
And the blood on the streets

Let there be an answer
To the worst in us
And the business of death
To the villainy called politics
And the burden called life

Let there be an answer
To the storm raging in every soul
And the dampened fire extinguished in fear
To the quietened spirit
And the battered morale

Let there be an answer
To human greatness
To the love of existence
To the right of life
To the passion of love

If there’s an answer
I would like to know it
If there’s an answer
I dare you, to show it.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Shadow of A Dream


In the shadow of a dream
We lived.
We thrived.
And awoke in the sunrise of unspoken dreams
Throwing a challenge to the passing winds
We laughed.
We fought.
And found each other in the death of night.
Woken up in the silence of deafening thoughts
We kept quiet…
And heard the smile
Over the mute telephone line
And took comfort in the warmth of our embrace
Tentative were the faltering steps
Yet we found strength
To follow the elongating shadow
Of the setting sun

I live in the sparkling sunshine
Mesmerised by the beauty of my existence
Yet I miss the shadow…
Of the unexplored dreams…

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Rain Messenger's Diary 6...Tongue Tied and Twisted

Man developed. On the face of it this statement sounds incomplete and is in fact so, as it leaves the basic question “To What?” unanswered. We, however do not have the right to ask this question, as we really do not realize the implications of such a question.

It is the question of centuries, a question raised by philosophers only to be dealt with in a childish manner, to give unnatural answers. It is a question that has resounded in the aisles of history, whispered in the leaves of time. It is the question that we all have the answer to but are fatally unable to confess to ourselves the reality of our parasitic existence. We live in a monstrous world where “respect” is “fear”, “admiration” is “envy” and “pity” is a “virtue”…a world where we bow down to the escapists, who ran away in fear of fighting it out, and worship them, considering renunciation as the identity of a higher spirit.

Facts, irrevocable truths lie naked in front of us, yet we choose to look the other way…axioms irrefutable in their honest finality are ignored for the “public good”. Sometimes, I am filled with helplessness, frustration and anger at the fact that we live in a world where most of our basic premises are flawed and contradictory…on the basis of which we can easily pass judgements of “right” and “wrong”, premises which more often than not are against human nature, yet we do not question…we accept.

How many of us can accept the fact that we give someone a gift not for the pleasure of the person but for the pleasure of “me” giving it to that person. It is self-indulgence and accepting the fact that there is nothing wrong with it is true virtue. Our souls are twisted beyond repair, blackened with the perversions of human weakness and we look at other degenerates for support…to convince us that we are the real humans, and being in pain is a glory to be worn as a medal…to earn pity as the rightful payment…to gang up on the few individuals with untainted souls, with their ability and capacity of being happy as their only weapon, like a swarm of locusts and suck them dry…not for the joy of defeating a greater opponent after having fought a battle but for the guilty pleasure of killing a mighty hero under the guise of a friend in the dead of night when he was sleeping. The most monstrous thing even more evil than this (if it is possible) is that we do it under the garb of self righteousness when we really do it out of fear.

The lights are going out, the lights that drove nations to their glory, lights of rationality, lights of the ability of men…they are being extinguished by the terrible moral axiom of “we need to give to the poor, because he needs it.” It is as if the impractical, general idea of his need granted him all the rights on the property of a man’s ability. We see a sculptor or a painter dying of starvation, yet not asking for pity or help, because he is confused as to why, he can’t survive, as he is sure that he has every right to survive, as he offers a trade of food in exchange of his work. His dedication and ability in exchange of their payment, but we refuse to pay him, because in this world ability is a flaw, so we pay those who use their pain, problems and have-nots as a certificate of their right to get without offering anything in return. The fault is not at being needy (need here does not just mean the need of money it encompasses all needs of humans), the crime is in making it a weapon using someone else’s pity for him as a lifeline for existence. The only yardstick that should exist is ability and a man’s capacity to experience pride in his achievement. Nowadays, it is an accepted notion that success is attributed to the “people”-----the nameless, faceless multitude who crawl out of the woodwork to take every benefit that they can take and yet drawl on the injustice, of how unfair life has been to him-------this is the man plaguing us today, this is the man against whom we have to safeguard ourselves.

Two things in this world had led me to think of this disease growing in mankind and feel the horror of what would be the fate of the world…They were “the strike of the mind” explained by John Galt created by Ayn Rand and a song by Kabir Suman called “Magoje Curfew”(the curfew in the brain). I cannot imagine a “mind”-less society where there is no purpose, where men feed on the ability of another, where the blame game is a part of the day…yet, I live in one.

We still debate “Money is the root of all evil” in non-absolute terms, somewhere believing in it but we would be ostracized and devastated if somebody would tell us that “Money has always been the source of all good”. It stands for the best quality in us---to produce and to trade and take value for one’s ability, take ownership of it. I can’t help quoting Ayn Rand again---“Money requires that you sell your talent to the other’s reason…it is the symbol of man’s goodwill”. The words on a banknote “I promise to pay the bearer a sum of—” are the most profound words of human history, they are not the words of the beggar who gives excuses and blames the universe for his inability to produce but it a tribute to the man who takes pride in his ability to act and to produce.

Thomas Moore talked of Utopia, here’s what I think of it, Utopia is a land where no man is afraid of another because of his ability of being greater than him, and where people do not leave life to the hopelessness of the fact that death is inevitable but makes that the reason to live for all that is worth. What can I say—
“You may say that I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one. I hope someday you will join us and the world will live as one”— one with a purpose.



[P.S. Sometimes, I wish there really was a Galt Gulch— forgive my moment of weakness Ms. Ayn Rand]