They say I have learnt nothing. Nothing, from the pain and tears that I have been through. They say I am still a fool. A fool, who does not deserve to live or belong in this world.
Yet, Annie I love to live. All that they curse me for or scream at me for are the only things that I hold on to in my darkest hours. They are all that are the best in me. How do you deal with it when you are hated for what, you think you should be loved for? How far do you have to be pushed before you go over the edge?
Do you remember our late night chats constituting random nonsense and whispered fears and hopes? There is no one who wants to listen to my silence anymore and I’m afraid to speak. I am moving on, leaving people behind. One by one they all have forsaken me or perhaps I have forced them to forsake me, whichever way, I am lonely.
Annie, are you sick of me cribbing? I am. I am tired of being vulnerable inside and also strong to face the world. I am tired of fighting the desire to be destructive. Annie, I am tired of asking questions to which there are no answers.
They have given up on me, left me for a used, washed-up, shell of a man. They mock my emotions and label me a cheap flirt, yet Annie, I survive.
Annie, I survive for I know that whenever the world is too heavy, no matter how far, my words will be carried to you. I survive for I know that I can always sleep in your arms and be protected from them. This letter is a wish, a wish that I don’t lose myself in the dust of the world, a wish that as long as I live, my letters find you well
With all my love,