Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Rain Messenger's Diary 19...Letter to Annie 7

Dear Annie,

It has been ages since I last wrote to you. Every day when I look around, there seems to be so many things to speak of or discuss but the daily grind drains the wish out of me by the time I manage to get some time to do so.

Nevertheless, I have managed to shed my lethargy and finally write to you as I have been deeply disturbed over the past few weeks (months?). Every day when I glance through the newspaper while sipping on my morning cup of Darjeeling, I get depressed. Kashmir and more recently the Uri incidents have left me feeling really empty. You know some random rioter in a so-called urban posh Indian city actually felt he was better than “some random Kashmiri stone-pelter” because he unlike the Kashmiri was “Indian”.  Anyway, sorry I digress.

As usual, I wanted to offload my burden to you as who else would have the patience to hear my ramble. The heightened rhetoric of patriotism is really scary. We have alienated a large section of the populace in Kashmir and now with the Uri incident the so-called enlightened internet warriors are baying for blood. Cries for war and bombing our neighbouring state fills my news feed and the posts are full of vitriol. Reading these leave me cold every time.

Annie, do we realise that this is not that simple or desirable or in any way sensible? What do we really want – the death of hundreds / thousands of sons, daughters, brothers, husbands or wives guarding our borders to avenge the 17? Am damn well sure none of the people who spew hatred from the comfort of their homes using their top-notch smartphones / laptops will go to sacrifice their precious lives. So we are happy to let others die for us while we claim the baton of patriotism. How exactly are we better than those who send suicide bombers in that case??

I know, by now you must be itching to interrupt my rant to tell me, so what do we do? Do we not avenge those who were killed? Do we not make them pay? The answer unfortunately is also yes. It is high time that we do take a tough stance but that stance is not through direct confrontation with a nation that has highly unstable and unscrupulous government with access to nuclear weapons. The modern warfare is perhaps won via economics and not guns. Let us be prudent and let us be strong and let us try to prevent more deaths rather than inciting for more. The government seems to have reacted on these lines only which is heartening and I sincerely hope we find it in ourselves to truly be strong and stop this cycle of hatred via the internet – YOU ARE NOT HELPING.

I will stop now and hope once again you find it in you to be patient enough to calm my agitated mind. When I write again maybe I will be more positive

With all my best wishes,

Rain Messenger

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Shadows and Memories

When the pain is old and the pen rusty…
The skies overcast…and a rhythmic rain…
I look for my forgotten friend…
In the attics of time

I look for that feeling…
But, the pen is rusty and the scar hidden
And, the relentless call of life…
And the burden of happily ever after…

The curse of finding what you are looking for
And letting it go…because you can’t stop
In the rain…the smoke of cigarette all around
I search and not find…

Yet, I search…
My redemption in the rusty pen…
Coaxing words…when all is quiet

For silence is my sword….silence my eternal sleep

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Insanity and Us

The clouds roll in…
Steady…Calm…Dark…
And, we burn
Like the world around us…

Bringing insanity to the fore…
Indulging in the dance of madness…
As, we embrace…
The mad rush…in the flow of life…

We seek each other…
To create…to think…to say…
So much that needs to be said
But, remains ensconced in silence…

And, we scream
Loud…Uninhibited…Unafraid…
Pushing boundaries…to find our place
To accept the fire…we are rushing towards

Yet, you and I feel safe
Left alone…
We find solace…as the world burns…
We helplessly watch…waiting for our turn

Sunday, June 2, 2013

The Dreamer and his Memories

You came from the shadows…
Unencumbered…free…
You dreamed…you spoke…
And, showed us pictures…that seeped deep within

You refused the road oft taken
Fought, bloody wars…
And, then danced in the rapture of creation…
Because, only you could

Each frame a story…
Each idea a rebellion…
You carried difference with elegance
And, now you’re gone

So here’s to the lonely verandah…
Here’s to the untouched coffee & half-burnt cigarettes
You were a dreamer…

But, you were not alone…

Monday, December 24, 2012

For Nirbhaya & Those Who Languish in Darkness

Her cries were drowned in laughter…
Her pain was buried in lust…
As, animals tore her apart
We watched.

We have been silent…
We will always be…scared…hiding…
And, she will continue to be brutalized
As, we watch

She fights…they laugh…
We sermonize…
We react…safe in the anonymity of the numbers
We actually enjoy…

Animals, we are…
Watching them tear her apart…
Slowly…painfully
And, still we choose to watch

Let’s stand up…once…together
And, make them afraid.
For once…for what is right…unafraid & free

And, then maybe my sister will find peace.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Awakening of the Pen


As, the night sky rumbles…
And, winter draws near
I huddle in the cold…
Filled with a new fervor

Sometimes, the cobwebs need dusting…
Sometimes, a weary soul needs a smile
Or, maybe just a coffee, a cigarette
A short acknowledgement that you are mine…

But, it’s ok…all is well…
As, it rains
Cold…dreary…December rain
And, all pain is frozen

While, my pen awakens
Perhaps, in desperate search…
Search for an answer
Or…A desperate attempt to cling on to its identity

Monday, October 1, 2012

Of Flying Kites and Freedom


Of all things silent…
Of friends and forgotten stairways...
Of flying kites and being free
And, standing still

The lonely piece of sky…from the lonely window
Sighs, as she clings to the railing
The last of the tears…
Have dried in her throat

She searches…
For a kite…for a colourful spark…
In the grey heavens…
Something else from what is…

Her shackles have fallen silent…
Her battered soul numb
Seeking not freedom…but assurance…
That not everything is a lonely body in the lonely streets

Yet, the sky is empty…
The music silent…the guitar unstrung…
She turns back to darkness
The grey sky stays quiet.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Of Rains and Afternoons


The naughty rain…
And, lazy afternoon silently watch…
As, you breathe gently on my neck…

And, we ride on dawn’s chariot…
Unbridled…free…
While, the world stops around us…

And, we move as one
Afraid…Happy…
As, waves of emotions wash over us

And, rain falls…
While we soak in it…drink it up
As, if there is no tomorrow

And, we hold each other…
Afraid to let go…
The old, lazy afternoon…just smiles

Friday, August 10, 2012

Dusk


Changing with time… slowly morphing…
As, my flesh gets ripped off on barbed wires
I move forward…bleeding and bones…
While troubled waters keep flowing under the bridge

The pen refuses to move…
As, too many words block its path
The blinding pain…giving way to cold numbness
While, I close my eyes…and let sleep embrace me

But, in my waking dreams and lonely sojourns
I have searched for solace in your arms…
As, the sands and winds have left their marks…
I stand unrecognizable…battered, but strong

I have picked up my pen again…
To dance, with my rain
And, feel coffee’s bitter kiss
With the forgotten half-burnt cigarette on my lips

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Rain Messenger's Diary 18....25th April, 2012


I have almost forgotten when I last picked up my pen to write something, or in this case typed something in Word.  But, a long hiatus from penning my ramblings is not what perplexes me, what astonishes me is I didn’t really get the insatiable urge to write. The search of a livelihood and the whole deal of growing up perhaps steals a bit of you from you.

Suman has sung some of my favourite lines, one such being “E Sahar janey amar prothom shob kichu, palate chai joto shey ashe amar pichu pichu”. It has always intrigued me how we keep trying to run away and avoid our past yet the more we try to forget, the harder it gets to do so. I do not know whether am running away or just don’t have the time to stroll down memory lane…but I do miss my madness when it rains. I miss, being able to simply walk out and greet the rain with open arms and closed eyes.

In a daze, I walk on doing things that are expected of me, a non-descript life of a non-descript human-being….one among teeming millions whose absence or presence is equivalent.
I truly have lost the touch…I seem to have lost my words…I guess sometimes we do lose our lives in search of our livelihoods

Friday, February 17, 2012

Winter’s Embrace

The winter crept up stealthily behind…
Like an old friend…
And, embraced my weary soul
Embalming my wounds in its chilly blanket

I have wondered about this winter…
In my waking dreams
I have wrestled with shadows
Wondering about my being…

I have questioned relevance of life…
I have run for miles…just to feel tired…
And, I have waited for this winter…
Enigmatic…cold…inevitable…

Torn apart with questions
I have sought solace in unlikely corners…
I have traversed lonely boulevards of my mind…
In circles

Elusive peace and elusive answers
And, an elaborate sham of civilization
I have been a part yet apart…
But, now finally I surrender…savoring the winter’s embrace

Age

The curtains part…
Making way for dawn’s silent footsteps
Sentinel of a new day…
Testimony of another day’s end

And, life walks on…
Chained by contradictions…and misunderstood fears
Just some wrinkles, mute witnesses…
Of passing time

She looks up at her slice of sky
From her verandah…in her lonely apartment
And, watches the vast unknown
With a half drunk coffee by her side

She watches the fog roll by…
Hiding her familiar view…
By her loved window…she closes her eyes…
And smiles…It doesn’t matter even if its time…

Monday, November 21, 2011

Of Journeys and Destinations

I stand filled with restless thoughts
Like the wandering wind…
Looking for a place to stop…

Watching the rain from a speeding car…
Hurtling towards inevitability
With a half burnt cigarette in my lips…

Stripped of all illusions of control…
I stand quiet…Staring blankly outside the window…
The coffee…untouched…cold…dark…

As, I wonder about purpose…
I feel a familiar hand in mine…
I close my eyes…maybe, it’s worth it all

Monday, October 31, 2011

What have I got to say?


What have I got to say...
Is it simple…or perhaps, convoluted
Is it worth a thousand words…
Or, a silent smile…

Will someone hear it…
Amongst the din of people dying
Amongst agony…hunger…lust…life…
Should I be heard?

What is it that I am saying…
That hasn’t been felt before…
Insignificant words…for an indifferent multitude
Who cares…

Yet, I fill these pages
Waiting…to find that word…
That stirs the water under the bridge…
And, reminds you of rain on a dark night

Like a blind traveller…
In the boulevard of words
I feel each word with awe…and pen down a few…
Someday…someone…will find a meaning…I just keep writing

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Of Change and Constancy

In the faraway horizon
Where, the sky melts into the ocean
Somber...Silent…
I stand with you…ensconced in solitude

Tired of the constant battering…
Of joys and sorrows
Beyond boundaries and bonds…
Where, it’s just You and I…and us…

In one cataclysmic dance…
I have left the world behind
In the manic, suicidal desire
To love…to be loved

As, the words come to the lips
Yet, are spoken by the eyes… I stand with you in my arms…
As seasons change…lives change…
But, the sky keeps melting into the ocean

Monday, September 26, 2011

Anguish


I watch the sea of life…
Break on the shores of eternity
And, I watch the endless parade…
Of lives without meaning

And, I cry…
Waiting, for the tears to be heard
While, I search for words
In the sunshine-less streets of the world

Somewhere, there is a saga
Of memories…and quicksand
Of forgotten words in dusty bylanes
Of stories untold

I bid adieu…I lose myself
To join the crowd, yet not be a part
To be torn apart…just to be whole again
Time it is…for being heard

I sing…the unsung songs
Carrying the voice of unheard throngs
I fly and fall…I flow and ebb…
With the hungry tides eating my soul

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Falling of a Star


The sleepless river beckons…
As, I watch from the sidelines
Her dark liaisons…
And, the scars of countless lovers

She stands bereft of the spotlight…
In the shadows…after an eternity
And, even in my arms…
She yearns to e free…

The lonely street lamps stand witness
To whispered secrets…behind the veil
To forgotten tears…
And, unknown streets

Adorned with the weight of time…
Practiced smile hiding the usual pain
Greeting the thousands waiting for her…she turns to me…
She has never been more lonely

Thursday, August 4, 2011

To A Journey


Trembling lips…
She stands bereft of social trappings…
Beyond pretensions…and forced smiles…
She stands numb…

In the end, it counts to nothing…
A whole lot of mistakes and a few lies
Forgotten wildflowers…and, left behind ties
All, she has is life…

Heavy drops on silent nights…
Quietly encroach upon her senses…
Taking her in…
Like the man who rode the storm

She waits…
A stained coffee cup in her hand
Civilization roaring beneath her…
While, she is on pause in her balcony

She watches the evening birds
And, the rising sun slowly setting…
Caught in the labyrinth of life
She closes her eyes…

Maybe, its time…
To end this sojourn…
To hit the unknown road again
Bid adieu to an un-understood city…loved and hated…

Saturday, July 23, 2011

La Guitara


It lies forgotten…
Covered with dust…in a lonely corner
With music lost in its depth…
My guitar…

I stumbled on it…
As, you tend to find un-looked for things…
Wondering, how I had left it behind…
How with time, I had ceased to care

Unstrung…covered with sands of time
It flooded me…
Like an old memory
Bittersweet…happily painful…

I slowly looked out…
Far away in the distance
A blank stare…a desperate search…
A search for my guitar…and a forgotten me…

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Rain Dance


I look at you, this stormy evening…
While you are lost in your dance
I watch as your rhythm beckon the drunk winds…
And, you slowly draw me in…

The dangerously beautiful beats…
Ring out solitary and true…
And, I let the dance of madness carry on around me…
While I seek peace in you

You brought my life to a stop…
In a moment’s notice
Almost, mocking my presumptions of control…
Yet somehow, making me feel free…

I watch…
The rolling clouds in the distance
Silent as a distant memory…
Buried yet remembered…in my solitary sojourns

Tender…bittersweet…thy impressions
My failures…the darkness…
That I could not take away from your eyes…
Let them be drowned…as you dance and I lose myself…